Who are the victims of Intimate Partner Violence?

It is not only women who are at risk of IPV, men are also often victims, but feel enormous shame to share their experiences and seek help.

If you or someone you know is experiencing intimate partner violence, it’s essential to reach out for help. There are resources available to provide support and guidance. You can find resources here

It’s also vital to recognize the signs of intimate partner violence, as it may not always be physical. Emotional abuse, such as belittling, manipulating, or controlling behavior, can be just as harmful as physical abuse. It’s essential to trust your instincts and seek help if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe in your relationship. No one deserves to be mistreated, and there is help available to support you.

As a society, we must continue to raise awareness about intimate partner violence and work towards preventing it from happening. It’s essential to educate ourselves on healthy relationships and recognize the warning signs of abuse. We must also challenge harmful attitudes and behaviors that perpetuate violence and support survivors of abuse.

Social media can be a powerful tool to spread awareness about intimate partner violence. By sharing information and resources, we can help survivors know that they are not alone and that help is available. We can also help break down the stigma surrounding intimate partner violence by having open and honest conversations about the issue.

It’s time to take action against intimate partner violence. We must all do our part to support survivors, raise awareness, and work towards preventing this type of violence. Let’s start by educating ourselves and our communities, listening to survivors, and providing support and resources to those who need it. Together, we can create a world where intimate partner violence is no longer tolerated.

When love and violence meet

Gender based violence (GBV) is a pervasive issue in our society. It is a form of violence that is directed towards an individual based on their gender or sex, and it can take many different forms, including physical, sexual, emotional, and economic abuse. Sadly, GBV can occur in any type of relationship, including those where love exists.

You made me do it

Abusers might use phrases like “I love you, that’s why I’m doing this” or “You made me do this because you don’t love me enough” to justify their actions.

It is important to recognize that this is not love. True love involves mutual respect, trust, and support, not violence and abuse. In fact, violence and abuse are antithetical to love. Love should never be used to excuse or justify abusive behavior, and it is never acceptable to harm someone else in the name of love.

Sadly, GBV can often be hidden within relationships, making it difficult for victims to come forward and seek help. This is especially true when the victim is emotionally attached to their abuser. The abuser might use love as a tool to manipulate the victim and make them feel guilty or responsible for the abuse they are experiencing. Victims might also feel ashamed or embarrassed to speak up about the abuse because they believe that it reflects poorly on their relationship or themselves.

Healthy Relationships

It is essential to understand that GBV is not a private matter. It is a social issue that affects everyone, and it requires a collective response. To create a society that is free from all forms of violence and abuse, we need to work together to raise awareness about GBV, provide support and resources to victims, and hold perpetrators accountable for their actions.

One way to address GBV is by promoting healthy relationships that are built on respect, trust, and open communication. This means teaching young people about healthy relationships and providing them with the skills and knowledge they need to build positive connections with others. We can also work to challenge harmful gender stereotypes and social norms that perpetuate violence and inequality.

Finding help and speaking out

Another important way to address GBV is by providing support and resources to victims. This includes providing access to safe spaces, counseling, legal services, and other forms of support that can help victims rebuild their lives and heal from the trauma of abuse.

You can find some helpful links here https://toniwashere.com/helplines-gbv/

It is also important to hold perpetrators accountable for their actions. This means ensuring that they are held responsible for the harm they have caused and that they receive appropriate punishment. It also means addressing the root causes of GBV, such as gender inequality, and working towards creating a society that is more equitable and just for all.

While perpetrators are typically vilified, there is hope for change and rehabilitation, check out this Ted Talk by Jackson Katz where he talks about perpetrators, and how men can help fight for the cause: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTvSfeCRxe8

Love should not hurt

In conclusion, GBV and love are two very different concepts that should not be conflated. Love should never be used to excuse or justify abusive behavior, and it is never acceptable to harm someone else in the name of love. To create a society that is free from all forms of violence and abuse, we need to work together to raise awareness about GBV, promote healthy relationships, provide support to victims, and hold perpetrators accountable for their actions. We all have a role to play in ending GBV, and by working together, we can create a safer, more just, and more equitable world for all.

World AIDS Day brings people from all over the world together to spread awareness of HIV/AIDS and show global unity against the disease in 2022.

When was the first World AIDS Day?

Since 1988, December 1st has been set aside as World AIDS Day, a day dedicated to raising awareness of the AIDS pandemic brought on by the spread of HIV infection and honouring those who have lost their lives to the illness.

What is the theme for World AIDS Day in 2022?

“Rock the Ribbon” is the World AIDS Day theme for this year.

Let’s remember the victims

This is a chance for people all around the globe to come together in the battle against HIV, to support those who are living with HIV, and to remember those who have passed away from an AIDS-related illness.

World AIDS Day was the first international health day and was established in 1988.

Gender-based Violence HIV Risk

GBV has several connections to young women and girls contracting HIV. The risk of transmission increases when forced intercourse of any sort, including rape, dry sex, or lack of safe sex, is experienced with a partner who is infected.

Women who have experienced sexual violence by a partner are 1.5 times more likely to be HIV-positive.

What is HIV/AIDS 2022

Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is the primary cause of the immune system illness known as AIDS. AIDS is a chronic immune system disease caused by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV)

HIV weakens the immune system and impairs the body’s capacity to fend against illness and infection. Contact with infected blood, semen, or vaginal secretions can transfer HIV. HIV/AIDS cannot be cured, however drugs can slow the spread of the virus and stop the disease from getting worse.

How many people in South Africa have AIDS?

5.7 million citizens infected with HIV in South Africa

National AIDS helpline

National AIDS helpline: 0800 012 322 or e-mail: aidshelpline.org.za

Reviews are the number one driver of book purchase (plus, I would love to hear your feedback!). Raising awareness of GBV is my main goal, it is within my skill set and passion. Telling my story is the main vehicle through which I want to tell my story.

2) Leave a donation

I have a wish list of things I would like to achieve to at least make a dent in ending GBV, I want to make my story accessible to as many people who need to hear it.

3) Report abuse that you see, hear, or suspect.

Assume that no one else cares enough to do anything, do not let anyone’s screams go unheeded. You do not need to get involved in a domestic dispute, you can report anonymously. Trying to get in between an angry man and ‘his woman’ is a hazard – click here for information on where you can report abuse anonymously. Even if law enforcement does not play its part, I can assure you that just knowing that someone at least cared enough to try to help would have made such a huge impact on me when I needed it. The fact that no one tried to do anything was deeply hurtful.

The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.

Albert Einstein

4) Seek help if you are a victim

There are people who care, there are people who hear you and believe you and want to help you! You don’t have to go through the legal system, but you don’t have to go through it alone either. Click here for organisations where you can look for help.

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5) Men, we need you 

If you are a man in a position to have influence over others, speak out. You have the voices to make change, it is not a comfortable topic to talk about, but it is real. It does not happen ‘out there’ and we need MEN to change the narrative. Women cannot solve this problem, only men can. Speak to your bro’s, start the conversation, call the men in your life out if you see or hear about abusive behaviour..

“As South African men, let us take responsibility for our actions. We must treat the women and girls of our country with care and respect.”

Cyril Ramaphosa

How can GBV affect men?

GBV has an ongoing effect. It has an impact on a boy or man’s or their ability to work efficiently and make decisions, especially in relation to concerns of fertility and reproductive health. It also has an impact on their self-esteem, physical, psychological, and sexual health.

What are the reasons that males experience violence?

The deterioration of morals.  The emancipation of women and the adoption of Western customs. The changing role of women in the home. Men’s failure to support their own families.

16 Days of Activism is observed across the globe from 25 November to 10 December.

The main goal of 16 days of activism is to raise awareness of the problem, and encourage a call to action to end GBV.

When is 16 Days of Activism 2022?

The 16 Days of Activism starts today 25 November 2022 and will continue until the 10th of December 2022.

Why Does it Happen over 16 Days?

From what I can gather, it is because there are a number of internationally observed days that happen in this time, so nothing specifically to do with the number 16.

• • November 25 – International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women
  • November 29 – International Women Human Rights Defenders Day
  • December 1 – World AIDS Day
  • December 3: International Day for the Disabled
  • December 5 – International Volunteer Day for Economic and Social Development
  • December 10 – International Human Rights Day and the anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights

When did it start?

2022 marks the 31st observation of 16 Days of Activism, with the first campaign launched in 1991 by the Center for Women’s Global Leadership.

Each year there is a different theme given to the campaign to highlight different issues across time.

The first theme in 1991 was “Violence Against Women Violates Human Rights” – 31 years later and the same issues still affect lives across the globe

The theme for 2022 is “Ending Femicide”.

Read my story about femicide here

GBV is nothing new

GBV has been getting a lot of media coverage in recent years, however the problem is not a new one, it has always been there, the difference now is that it is being spoken about more, and there is less stigma attached to speaking up.

Women crime statistics South Africa 2022

South African women in the news

Karabo Mokoena, murdered in 2018 by her intimate partner

Hillary Gardee – raped and murdered 2022

Hannah Cornelius – raped and murdered 2017

Uyinene Mrwetyana – raped and murdered, 2019

Natasha Conabeer – died as a result of severe injuries, 2019

Reeva Steenkamp – murdered in 2013 by her intimate partner

My part in the fight against GBV

I have shared my story of GBV in the hopes that it will encourage others to start the conversation – to raise awareness about what is and what isn’t acceptable. To understand that everyone has a story, whether it is their own, or a family member or friend – it is not something that happens “out there”

Gender has become such a loaded and loathed word over the years. It can get confusing and is often associated with extremist left wing nuts who take things overboard, and bombard society with ideas that it is not ready for.

So, in planning my mission, I thought a lot about how to position my message, what words to use and what may I can do to put my message across in the most impactful way. In trying to explain what gender-based violence is, I needed to define the term and what it means.

What is Gender-based Violence?

Breaking the word down to fully understand what is Gender-Based Violence in 2022.

In my research I came across many different terms used to describe the overarching issue of gender-based violence. It essentially means that violence is directed toward someone because of their gender – and to call a spade a spade – it means that if you are not a heterosexual man, then you are at risk of GBV. It is of course a bit more complicated than that but understanding this basic idea is a good start.

So… what is gender, and how is it different from sex?

The dictionary definition

Sex (noun)

The state of being male or female

– Oxford Learner’s Dictionary, n.d.

Sex refers to the different biological sexual characteristics of males and females, including chromosomal differences, as well as hormonal and reproductive organ differences.

Sex is mostly binary, male or female, but there are rare occurrences of intersex people who display both male and female sex characteristics to varying degrees

Gender (Noun)

The fact of being male or female, especially when considered with reference to social and cultural differences, rather than differences in biology; members of a particular gender as a group… The term gender is also used more broadly to mean a range of identities that do not necessarily fit in with the usual division between male and female.

– Oxford Learner’s Dictionary, n.d.

Sex can be thought of as the outline of a picture and Gender can be thought of as how the picture is coloured in below.

1. Sex

2. Gender

Stereotypical examples of Females and Males. 

Biological sex examples

Stereotypical Gender Examples

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Victims of gender-based violence can be thought of as not fitting neatly into the stereotypical definition of male sex AND gender

Women and girls are typically the victims of gender-based violence, however those in the LGBTQI+ community, as well as children are included in the definition of ‘gender’ in the context of GBV.

Children are included because they don’t fit the criteria of having primary or secondary characteristics that define a man. They are also included because they learn behaviour which becomes normal to them, they see what happens at home and around them, and either become violent as a perpetrator, or to accept violence as a victim.

The LGBTQI+ community are targeted for violence because they fall somewhere between the lines that define men and women – they do not fit into one box or the other, and so are targeted based on their gender.

The problem with using the term ‘gender-based violence’

Gender-based violence is a nice term because it encompasses the problems across varying groups and it is useful in a theoretical space, but it is perhaps not the one that is the most to-the-point and impactful in creating social change.

One problem is that it takes the ownership of the crime away from the perpetrator. Using the term gender implies that people who fall into that category need to fix the problem. Those people with ‘the gender’ should take care of it. Plus, gender can be a confusing term.

Men’s violence against women and girls

There have been advocates for using the term “men’s violence against women and girls” as a more impactful term on the narrative of the issue in society. This term provides a clear perpetrator and a clear victim and enables us to better focus our thoughts on how to solve the problem, it puts the onus on men to change their behaviour towards women.

What do you think about the terms used to describe this social issue, should GBV be used which includes more victims in the definition? Or should a term like “men’s violence against women” be used which identifies a perpetrator?

About The Book.

With this courageous and deeply personal novel, Toni tells her heart-wrenching story which aims to break the silence on
Gender-Based Violence (GBV). It is a true story and includes the stories of South African women who have also experienced various kinds of GBV.

Author Toni Squara at her book launch.

Writing, publishing, and launching a book is quite an undertaking. After years of procrastination, the day finally arrived when books were edited, published and printed and ready to go out.

I spent the morning at Victorian Secret in Benoni South Africa to launch my book with the support of family and close friends.

Activist Against Violence against Women.

As a victim and survivor of Gender Based Violence in South Africa this launch helped me achieve my vision of creating a platform to give women the voice to stand up against GBV around the world.

It has been such a privilege to have worked and been part of the whole design process with Toni. This is not just Toni’s frightening experience packed into a book. Its a voice against an ever growing crime that affects all women.

Andrew Mossop – KhuluCo

thank you to each and everyone of you who made it to the book launch…

To my family and friends who joined my pre launch thank you very much.

The Victorian Secrete Venue.

The Victorian Secret is a coffee shop with a history in Benoni South Africa.

THE TATE HOUSE

Built in 1911

Tait House (140 Woburn Avenue) was designed by Robert Macbeth Robertson, one of the leading architects of the Victorian era, for entrepreneur WM Tait. Built in 1911, the House boasts features typical of Edwardian era architecture – such as its red clay bricks and arched verandah. The historic home forms part of an important group of Victorian-era buildings to the west of the Benoni CBD.

It is affecting someone you know right now

It isn’t happening ‘out there.’ It is happening in your community whether you live in a golf estate or a township. GBV does not discriminate and is EVERYWHERE! 1 out of 3 women is no joke

It is expensive

The amount of money that is spent responding to GBV is shocking. The time of law enforcement, medical professionals and assistance, legal professionals, autopsies, rape kits, counselling center’s and all the other expenses that come with these cases.

Gender-based violence (GBV) does not discriminate. Any person of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender can be a victim or perpetrator of GBV. Men are encouraged to join movement to end gender based violence.

South African Government

YOU can break the cycle

Children who witness or experience abuse at home often grow up to be perpetrators or accept their place as victims.

Changing GBV will have a domino effect

In South Africa race is such a sensitive topic, but I truly believe that we cannot love and respect cultures and races different from our own if we cannot even respect our own mothers, sisters, wives, and daughters.

Why should you care about GBV because you can make a difference when you stand up and speak up for women and children who have suffered from violence.